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It Is Time To Heal

*Leave it to my Mother . . .

Abuse Survivors & Other Problems


*Leave it to my Mother . . .

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to bring up bad memories involving my father, to make herself look better.(She brings things up, and says stuff like: "Well I never did that to you", "We weren't together anymore when he did that")
As though I can't remember on my own.

This is what she reminded me of, even though I had quite clear and precise memory of it, almost 18 years later.  She wasn't even fucking there, so why bring it up?  The only reason she knows is because I told her afterwards.
So, I'm approx. 8-9 years old.  Watching Young & the Restless at my G'ma Ginny's house (My father's mother) , my father is drunk as per usual. I was sitting on the floor in front of the TV contently watching the soaps....  He comes over and kicks me hard in the tailbone.  He was wearing steel-toed cowboy boots.  The reason?  Apparently, he heard me say the word "shit".  I hadn't said anything.  He didn't ask if I had said something before he kicked me, he just did. 

However, this wasn't exactly unusual practice... I would say one of his milder forms of abuse... but the reason I remember? 
Not too long after the incident, a few months I guess... It was sledding time.  I couldn't go sledding with my friend Shannon, and her family, because it was too painful for me to sit on a sled.  And I couldn't explain to them why.  I just had to deal with it. It occasionally is still painful, especially anytime someone actually touches my tailbone. 
I mean, how do you explain as an 8 yr old, that you can't sled because your father likes to kick you, and when he's not doing that, he's pawning you off as a playtoy to his sleazy friend.

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