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For Abuse Survivors & All Those Who Have Been ABused

Abuse Survivors & Other Problems

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February 6th, 2007

I feel yucky.

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So I went in for my annual exam on Monday, and it was kind of traumatic. I didn't get a pap smear until I was 33, so this is only the third I've ever done. I have a great doctor who lets me bring in a blanket and pillow from home, and gives me a mild tranquilizer to take before the appointment.

The first two annuals were just alright, I made it through. This one though, was PAINFUL. She kept saying, "Just a minute," and I was whimpering, it hurt so bad. My boyfriend was there to take me home afterward, and I felt just awful. He tried to play some kissy face with me and I was like, "UGH! Get offa me!" I just couldn't stand being touched.

I ended up taking two days off to recover and just get my wits back about me again. I sincerely hope the next one isn't so hard.

February 3rd, 2007

(no subject)

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writing heals
still grieve for a stolen childhood Collapse )

January 26th, 2007

Im just copying and pasting from my journal to this community so I dont have to retype the entire situation.
This is my first time reaching for help like this-about anything, so please be careful.
Well, I was faced with something that I've been trying to get out of my mind for the past couple months.
I went out with a friend of mine that I went to high school with, he said some friends of his were having a "party" of sorts for one of their friends, and he invited me. This was when I lived at the Polo Club, so I hadn't really been out much and needed to get out and about. So I went.
When the people (and my friend) picked me up, I saw someone that I thought I knew, but wasn't quite sure. Later on it became more apparent that I knew who he was, a guy that I had "dated" that actually stalked me for a little bit of time when I lived back with my mom and stepdad in Hanover.
We all hungout and I mostly played with some kittens the people had while everyone else was drinking. I did not drink, not one sip or anything. My friend and I cuddled on the couch a little then went outside to talk. The ex of mine, followed because everyone else in the house was going to pass out, and he was still awake. He kept trying to touch me and hit on me and was really getting on my nerves, so I told my friend to stay close to me. I ignored they guys invitations to kiss,etc and focused my attention on my friend.
We ended up walking to the guys house so he could check on his dog (it was only a couple of blocks away) and I wanted to talk to my friend anyway, so we walked with him. While we were there, the guy ended up trying to lay down bc he was too drunk, but before he did, I had a really bad migrane and needed some Motrin or something, he gave me some pain killer-so I thought. Me and my friend were sitting on the couch together talking, while his friend was in the other room. We started kissing and one thing led to another-but after we were done he went to take a shower and gave me something to drink bc whatever I had taken was making me slip in and out of sleep. Like, I'd be sitting there talking then all of a sudden I would be asleep.
Next thing I knew, the lights were all off and my friend was laying ontop of me again whispering and touching me. I kept saying his name and telling him to stop bc I was so tired. My vision was blurred and it was dark to begin with. After about a minute or two, I heard my friend's voice say "What the hell is going on" and I realized it wasnt my friend on me, it was the other guy. After I had been calling him my friends name, he still touched me and went further.
My friend yelled at him to get off me and I started crying because I figured out what had just happened. I ended up getting taken home by that guy because it was my only way home, and on the way he kept being really mean to me and saying really rude things, which made the whole situation even worse, bc he had just raped me and was saying I wasnt his type and telling my friend that he could do so much better than some fat chick like me.
This was a couple months ago and Im wondering if its too late to go to the police about it. I mentioned it to a couple people and my friend and I have talked about it before and he said he'd be my witness, but Im just not sure if the police would do anything since I took that pill on my own and because I had messed with my friend before hand.
Was this my fault? Was I asking for it? Should I talk to someone about it?
I have no idea what to do because I feel that no one will take it to heart, but its something that constantly bothers me. I have nightmares about it, and I just freak over it. Sometimes when my husband and I are intimate and it gets a little aggressive, i cry afterwards.
this is something ive wanted to get help for, but the guy told me he'd hunt me down again if i told anyone...and he's done it before.
Im so lost.
=o(

January 22nd, 2007

What would you do?

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What would you do?

Sugar and spice and everything nice.

This is suppose to every little girls life.

What happens when life is not like that?

What if your life is filled with constant abuse by the people who suppose to protect you?

For little Katelynn of Indiana, her life is filled with this from a father, stepmother and father's family; everyone but her the relatives that love her have been deined the ability to see her.

What happens when the police will not stop this?

Than try Child Protection Service, but they will not stop this either.

The next thing to do is go to the court.

What would you do if the Child Protection Services and the court helped the abusers hurt her?

The media might work but they ignore majority of average people.

In this search for help, several politicians ignored or said stop bothering them.

If these people will not help little katelynn than who will?

Will this little girl have to pay the ultimate price for these adults mistakes?

Now, what will you do?!

This is Indiana's Shame and these are Teardrops for Katelynn


referral sources:

www.courageouskids.net

Mary Kay Ash Charitable Foundation :: Breaking the Silence: Children's Stories Aired on PBS http://www.mkacf.org/BreakTheSilence.html

Breaking the Silence
http://sev.prnewswire.com/entertainment/20051019/CLW50819102005-1.html
http://www.tatgelasseur.com/pages/bts.html

Battered Women, Abused Children, and Child Custody: A NATIONAL CRISIS
http://www.batteredmotherscustodyconference.org/

Petition for Justice for Katelynn:
http://www.gopetition.com/../5918.html

Don't let these little abused children be abused in silence anymore, please.

Tell someone!

Demand answers!

Demand the children's truth!

Above all break through this silence for theses abused childrens sake!

No adults rights is greater than the right of the child to be safe!

****Please don't forget us!**********
addiction to vitamins

December 29th, 2006

looping

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I have a question. I was fifteen minutes late to my therapy appointment yesterday. I woke up at 8, fell back to sleep. woke up at 10:18 and had to be on other side of city in a suburb far away by 11. i chose to take a quick shower, because I went two days without one. I got there at 11:10, but by the time the receptionist called me in it was 11:15 and she did not even want to call my therapist telling me to reschedule. I told her that is up to him not her, and that traffic was really bad. she added the car accident thing. I just used it and lied. felt so guilty that i left him a message later confessing to the lie. I still had an ear infection in my ear, and went to after hours later and it has been there since Thursday last week, and the drops I have been using did not work all the way. I was ill, and I feel compelled to leave an other message telling him so he understands why I fell back to sleep. as I type, my right ear is ringing loudly and hurting me. My energy is better. I was sleeping all day. glad I have vacation time....

my question is this: I keep replaying my few minutes in his office. I let him read the previous post that I copy pasted into my text editor to share with him the stuff that happened on xmas. My question is, why do I keep replaying and looping my sessions, and try to analyze everything to death..... it is not just this, but other things that upset me. Is this part of the PTSD? To loop and obsess and replay things until you think you get what it means on as many levels as possible? i see his face, i see his tie, I see his watch, I hear his voice, I think about what words he chose..... and I wonder why.

I was scared to go yesterday any ways. he is helping me get through trauma. i am scared. I am becoming scared of him! do i tell him? it is not rational.

December 22nd, 2006

Newer member

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Hi, I feel kind of weird because I think I might be significantly older than many people here, but I wanted to formally say hello, and wish you happy holidays.

I was abused by my stepfather from the ages 7-14. The abuse was physical and sexual. It was horrible. When I turned him in he wasn't removed from the home, this was before mandatory reporting.

Anyway, I am in my 30s now, and I feel like saying, "Hey, hang in there. If you think you can't make it, you can." But I'm also not going to lie - it's still hard sometimes, and I have problems that most people would think a teenager would have. But I've made a little life for myself, and I manage to take care of myself alright.

I would sure love to offer a kind word here and there to anyone who may need it - I didn't have the Internet growing up and I think if I had my healing would have gone much better. I was isolated in a small town and pumped full of psychiatric drugs.

Good holiday wishes, wherever you are, and whatever you're going through.

December 10th, 2006

(no subject)

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I'm feeling pretty low right now...... not sure why but I do. I see so many beautiful people around me and then I look at myself and wonder what people think when they call me beautiful. Are they just saying this to make me feel better? Do they honestly really mean it? I seriously do have think pretty low about myself, always have, probably always will. Everytime I like someone... I never tell the person cause I'm afraid they won't like me. Besides that I've been keeping to myself a lot lately, crying a lot and constantly feel sad......

I'm suffering from depression. I'm not on any medication at the moment Most people think it has something to do with my past.... =[
Yes I was sexually molested by my real father when I was a kid. He got arrested though and got what he deserved but it has scarred me for life.... and how my relationships never seem to work out ever..... I'm crying so badly right now... I want this feeling to go away. I want to be happy. I want to be able to look myself in a mirror and love myself.... but I don't I just don't.....

I really hope things get better for me..... cause I feel as if things are getting worse for me.....
=[

Please someone help.... or talk to me.....
I'm so alone :(

December 2nd, 2006

new member

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Hi. My name is Rachel and I live in Fort Worth, Texas. I am 16 years old and both of my parents are abusive. My father lives in Houston and is a drug addict/alcoholic mainly, and since he is so emotionally abusive to me I do not speak to him anymore, even when he acts very affectionate in letters and says he wants to speak with me.
My mother has emotionally and physically abused me since I was about 7, after my parents got divorced and I moved up here to my grandma's house and the beatings began when I was 8.
Before she would only bruise me or scratch me or pull my hair hard, but recently I have begun to stand up for myself, and here's my story which happened only a few hours ago...
click here...Collapse )

November 26th, 2006

(no subject)

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New here...
my storyCollapse )
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